How do I not become my father?
I’m feeling kind of down. I’m feeling kind of lonely. When I get lonely I start thinking I’m going to be this way forever. lol. My dad used to do drugs. He used to deal them, and He smokes marijuana every day at 60. He still lives with me. My aunt was into the same thing. She died of hepatitis C earlier this year. My other aunt is an alcoholic. I think my grandfather was one too.
I’m in college. I used to be chemical engineering, and now, I’m pre-pharmacy(ironically). My school advisor actually says I have a chance. I have a 3.5 GPA. I always feel like I’m a failure, though. I will never be anything. I feel like I shouldn’t fight what I already am. I’m afraid it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Every time I get lonely, I just want one have a drink. I think… why not smoke. Why have I put off doing it this long?! There’s nothing wrong with it, and when I drink.. I’m just so happy. I don’t do it often, but when I do it feels good. I’ve only told a few friends my fears. My mom wouldn’t understand. My mom and dad are still together, and although she doesn’t agree with what my dad does, she accepts it. I know BOTH love me. They tell me daily. My mom and dad both support me financially, but I still have this fear.
Thank y’all! 🙂